Winning an argument means persuading another person to support your views and opinions.
In relationships we often argue: “I am right, you are wrong.” And if we win, the relationship consists of a winner and loser.
Instead, shift the argument to: “I want you to understand what I need,” and neither party loses.
How do you persuade the other party to understand what you need? Utilize the communication tools of restatement and reframing.
Restatement involves actively listening while the other party expresses them self, processing what they say, and restating back to them what they told you.
Reframing involves restating what was communicated while leaving out inflammatory words, personal attacks, and a negative focus.
By communicating what you heard, you acknowledge the other party’s experience and promote clarification, allowing them to hear what they have shared and add more detail. Empathy is key to deescalating heightened emotion, if insincerity or mockery are used the other party will become more concerned with self-protection than communication. When the other party feels heard and understood, they will begin to listen.
This is where you can process your thoughts and reframe them for the best impact. If done with care, both parties will end the discussion having communicated what they need, and heard the needs of the other.
Statement: “Stop nagging me, just because I don’t do it your way, you act like I’m an idiot.”
Response: “So, when I tell you how I like things done it upsets you and you feel disrespected.”